Paired Song Selection:
My definition of trust has been relegated to others for most of my life, and because of that I have thought that I have a great deal of trust innately. That is mostly true, but I've realized there is another facet to trust I had thought about as deeply...
which is trust in yourself.
I'm re-reading The Four Agreements to revisit the concept of "being impeccable with your word" and it's definitely hitting different and it's directly connected to my idea of trust.
At the very base of impeccability, meaning to do without sin, I first connected to the idea of "sin" as the book describes in a new context:
"A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself." The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz
Viewing sin through that lens really exposes one of my biggest blindspots with the impeccability of my word and that's relationship with self. In that impeccability is a loving kindness that I didn't use to associate with being impeccable with oneself.
This loving impeccability becomes self evident when looking at sin coupled with impeccability: if sinning is a failure to care for oneself, then venom becomes part of this sin. If venom that hurts me becomes a sin then, by extension, venom for venom's sake against you also becomes sinful. I boil this down to one of my lifetime favorite mantras, one I remember repeating to myself a ton as a kid:
Do onto others as you would have them do unto you.
Simple in statement, tricky in our every day world not just for children but for the same adults teaching it to them. I don't know about you, but when I think of being impeccable with oneself I see a teacher or a parent holding you accountable. They are waving their finger at me with a smile that's meant to tell me "I'm doing this for your own good, so it is a kind act" while their words and actions leave me feeling the complete opposite.
I found, from a very young age, doing onto myself it was only natural to do onto others. This also means that once I started trusting myself I trusted others because I could trust that the decisions I've made to this point to put this person in front of me, and the ones I'm making in the moment to decide if I can, are all the right thing. It took 38 years to see what I have been doing so long in this holistic light.
What better way to be impeccable with your word as it relates to yourself than to trust yourself? That was the question that lead me to post. To me, the real juicy part of impeccability is how it relates to trust. Trust in yourself and what you're body and mind are telling you. The info that's given that directly clashes with the things we think and assume we want. I found myself trusting myself more once I stopped assuming what I thought and wanting in favor of asking myself the question and being open to the answer. Magically, it also helped me do more of the same with others.
It took my self talk transforming from a parent teacher conference for a "problem child" into what looks more like holding the hand of a kid and talking through situations lovingly. I now know that my inner talk can be extremely kind and helpful without sacrificing drive or accomplishments folding in a new level of impeccability with my words seems more within reach.
Finding your way to self trust sows the seeds of being impeccable with your word leading to an even deeper level of love for self and others.