Are You Certain?
In one of my latest morning meditations, an idea just dawned on me. This happens to me often. I'll be doing something unrelated to a huge realization about something in my life that crashes on my like a tsunami. Because of my lifetime love of the arts they are my main muses. I have written volumes describing my journey through lifetime behavioral patterns seemingly revealed during a very popular television show.
I am constantly reminded that I'm highly receptive to energies and information right now. I see it in my voracious appetite for learning. In reflection, I see that I daily seek something out to expand myself. I've started blogs, pulled up tutorials on knife skills, research organization ideas, or just kicked back to watch a show because like I said above I insight comes in a variety of situations.
The idea of certainty was undermined during a morning meditation, again like a wave out of nowhere. I see in my mind a montage of moments in my life that verified my shaky ground with certainty, and the lack of it. On one end, the need for certainty can cause rigidity and a need to hold on to things with an iron grip. That certainty is required to move confidently through life. On the other end, being afraid of uncertainty has left many deeply important words unsaid and a preference for the safety of a certain situation even if it's not the best one for me. It's a story you've heard over and over, "I stayed because I didn't know any better" and I've definitely felt that.
My relationship with uncertainty has changed such that I'm able to finally see my previous one clearly. It's so comforting too, because I love knowing something about myself as a way to make a choice of what's next. Slowly, my grip on life so tightly has been loosening starting deeply internal on self esteem spreading outward to how I relate to and see others. My need for certainty and comfort with uncertainty is very different than ever in my life. I am still human, therefore not perfect in our sense of the word, but that's what is the most beautiful thing learning this information about ourselves. It's so powerful and can release you from thinking that you'll always be one way or have never changed. If you have even a moment to be aware of where you've been in relation to where you are I think you'll be awed.